Road to healing

So, one may ask, how bad is it really to be hurt? Well, let me tell you, it really stings. Every night, the same obnoxious comments will haunt you and keep ringing in your ear until you fall asleep but the problem is that you can't sleep. So, the incident gets more and more annoying and it starts taking over your life. You can't focus on work because you are so tired and yet you can't sleep at night because your mind is so occupied.

How do you get about it?

Here are a few things that I found quite the stress reliever and helped me keep sane again.

1. Change in environment. Migrate. Where?

How can this help? It makes a bigggg difference. Think about it. All the precipitating factors removed and you can start afresh. However, this might not necessarily be an option for many people to physically move to a new place because due to commitments and other factors. It may be difficult for you to leave. So, the best thing to do is migrate your mindset. Remove these people from your mind. How do you do that? You do not have super powers nor do you have mind control to do such a thing. Yes, you are right about not having super powers but no you are wrong about mind control. You can control the way you think.

Why do I say that? Lets have a case scenario. Remember the time that you did something wrong or something you regret. Have you ever felt better about yourself after talking to someone about it? Did crying help? Well, I'm sure it did make you feel better but did it change the fact that you have done something wrong? No it doesn't change the fact that you have done something wrong but it made you feel better and it makes you ready to accept the punishment.

Why is that so? Well, your body is actually capable of coping with stress but it is all controlled by your mind. When you encounter a stressful situation, your body will flip to defensive and rejecting mode. As such, you will start rejecting the fact that you did something wrong and defend yourself that you are right. Have you ever done something wrong and tried to find ways to comfort yourself by finding excuses about why you did it? That's the exact mechanism that you should use to try and make things better.

Sit down and empty your mind. This is the toughest step of all. If you can't do this, stare into the mirror and think about what happened. If you feel like crying then let your emotions pouur. You are just another human capable of feeling pain so just let the emotions flow. If you do this often enough, you will start feeling better about the incident. When you are ready, try telling yourself in the mirror that you are doing well. Those people are just jealous of you which is why they came up with the malicious comments. 

Start telling yourself in the mirror how good you look or complement yourself everyday first thing in the morning. It helps keep your mind strong and help you brave the obstacles that come your way. Be confident in whatever you do and keep your head straight. You can do this! You are stronger than that!. These  are the two phrases that kept me strong all these time.

2. Find true friends.

As easy as it may sound, finding a true friend is like finding a needle in the haystack. When I was in my slump, I always turn to my friends for advice and talk to them about it. These are the people whom I am very grateful to have. My friends would travel all the way just to visit me and what do we do? Go to a nice restaurant and just talk about it. Honestly, it felt so much better after talking to someone about it.

I'm also very grateful to have fantastic parents who know that something is not right. They can see right through me. I used to be an extremely jovial person but I changed to become extremely introvert and I became a social retard. Well, although I may be far from my parents, they make it an effort to drive all the way down to visit me. Bear in mind, I was about 5 hours drive away from home. They used to come and stay with me for a night or two just to keep me company because they know all that loneliness will drive me insane. Many would say mum knows me well but actually although dad never said it, he could feel that I wasn't my actual self and it was comforting to see that he was trying very hard to reach out to me.

Having someone to talk to really makes a difference.

So, one may ask, what do I do if I haven't got anyone that I can talk to? I would suggest that you first talk to the you in the mirror. As crazy as it may sound, if you can face yourself and talk to your reflection, emotions will begin pouring out, you might need to replace the mirror several times but after all the drama, you will feel a whole lot better. Then what? Once you are ready to step out of your hiding, you should start making new friends. Remember what I said about migration? Leave the negative and be ready to accept new things. Sign up for something new. Be it gym, dance lessons, yoga, learn an instrument or learn a new language. Just sign up for a class and start taking it seriously. Make friends there and hopefully you can find your true friends there.

3. Learn something new.

Well, it doesn't necessarily have to be something new but just sign up for something. As for me, I signed up for badminton which really helped me out of my shell because I was able to laugh my heart out at the court without anyone thinking that I was crazy. I also made many good friends there for whom I am truly thankful for. I was adjusting to a new place and these people made adapting to the new environment a lot easier.

4. Exercise.

This is a great way to relief stress. If you are not an athletic person, then you don't have to exercise physically but exercise your vocal chords. Seriously, try it. When I first signed up for gym, it was so tiring and I felt like giving up but after going regularly, it became a lot easier and after sweating it out, I felt so much better about myself. Well, another thing that affected my self esteem was my appearance. I do not have the face nor the body to look pretty which means it hurts my self-esteem even more. I used to blame myself for how I look and as a result, I resorted to binge eating which was terrible because all it did was make me gain weight.

After a month of gym, I started noticing subtle changes in my body and it made me feel good. One may ask, one moment I was talking about badminton and the next moment gym? Well, it's a long story and I promise to cover it in my future post but to cut it short, when I moved to my new workplace, I started fresh. It's now 2 hours from home and I signed up for badminton but 2 months later, I broke my ACL (anterior cruciate ligament - one of the ligaments in my knee) again which made something as simple as walking extremely painful for about 4 months. I don't have any idea how I endured through it but yes, I endured it and then I went for physio which really helped but then I couldn't commit to physio sessions as work was getting more hectic. So, I resorted to going to the gym. For which I make it an effort to go at least 4-5 times a week.

Sweating it out was really an awesome feeling. It was like releasing all that frustrations in my body and as I grew stronger, I felt as though I could just pull those emotions that was restraining me right off and I can run away from those restraints.

Another thing that I found really good to release stress is belting my heart out be it during shower time or in the karaoke room. Yes, karaoke is more or less like an exercise for me. I don't just exercise my vocal chords but also a lot of my abs. I always sweat so much in the karaoke room and felt my abs burning at the end of the session. I used to go for 3 hour sessions with my friends and it was as though they knew that I needed to release all that stress, we only sang songs that require a lot of screaming and dancing. We scream and dance our frustrations out and at the end of the day, we complete the package with a round of good laugh over dinner.

5. Indulge yourself in

No, sorry, I don't mean in food because I do find that I was feeling better everytime after indulging. the post effect was too severe for me. I felt that I was gaining weight and it made me feel so much worse about myself.

Instead, I mean, indulge yourself in something be it work or studies to forget about the painful past. This was what I did when I was feeling so lost after my brother passed away (yes, I do have many painful memories). I indulged myself in studies because firstly, I knew that my brother really wanted me to excel in my studies and wanted me to get a good job but more importantly, studying really hard was an excuse for me to forget about what is happening and just focus on my education. I studied like there was no tomorrow because everytime I took a break, the painful truth hits me and tears kept flowing. This was an effective way because it served as an escape route for me. I am thankful that I put my heart into studies and not drugs because I am happy with my current job.

6. DO NOT do silly things

Yes, I mean it. If you are considering about taking your life just because someone was mean to you, you should think about your family, friends and the people who cherish you most. Do you want to be that selfish person who ignore the fact that your parents struggled so hard to raise you just to see you taking your own life over something that was not even your fault to start off with? NO! You are worth more than that.

When I was young, I didn't come from a very well off family so I have seen how hard my parents struggle to put food on the table and to make sure that I get my education. My mum used to have 2-3 jobs (I am not even kidding. Many people do not know this fact, not even some of my close friends) just to make ends meet. I saw how hard they struggled to make sure I become a useful person in this society and I will not let one rotten apple's comment make my parents efforts go down the drain.

Never do something that you will regret either in this life or afterlife.

I used to hate waking up everyday because I knew I had to face the same problem over and over again but after taking all the above steps, I wake up everyday with a smile and I thank God for everyday that He allow me to wake up to.

I now work in the hospital and I see how my my patients fight for their life and it makes me want to help them even more.It made my life meaningful and I have never stop praising God because He put me through all these pain only to come out as a better person and now I am able to help others.

One day, things will work out for you too. Just have faith and never stop believing in God for He only puts you through things that He knew you will be able to handle. After completing that obstacle,you will come out stronger and you will be surprised at how strong you really are. There is always light at the other end of the tunnel if you are brave enough to walk through the darkness.

Have faith and keep fighting. Life is a stage and it is you who determine whether it will be a happy ending or not.

Cheers
Min

PS: I do not own any of the photos in this post.