Stand in front of that mirror each day and complement one part of your body and by the end of the month, you will start liking how you look and by the end of the year, you will look back and say, "Hey, I had a wonderful year."
How this works? Well, our brain is fantastic isn't it. When we start complementing how we look, our brain naturally processes this as a happy thought and releases endorphin in our body. These are what people call happy hormones. These happy hormones will start flowing through your body and as its name suggests, it makes you happy. The more endorphin you release daily, the less likely you are to succumb to the pressure or expectations of others.
I've personally had this experience of falling to a slump after someone accused me of doing something that I did not do. It totally changed it. It's crazy how what someone says and do can affect you so much. Till now, it still affects me but I have learned to cope with that horrible feeling.
What happened?
Well, it's simple. I used to live with a family whom I thought was a nice family until I found the ugly truth. Things started off well but since I have been living overseas for several years, coming home and living with others have become difficult for me. It was difficult to adapt but I tried my best to adapt to their living. At that time, I was just starting my new job and everything was getting tougher and tougher. Pressure from work piled up and naturally I was tired after work so I tried to compensate during the weekends.
I tried to be what I thought was the 'model tenant'. I tried offering help if I could but I felt awkward. I tried not to make it a burden living with them so I used to eat out but it was thought as rude. I tried to be as cheerful as I can but I was so tired after work that all I want to do was crash and start again the next day.When work became more demanding, I had to come home and study almost every night just so I don't fall behind at work but not everyone understood that feeling. It wasn't easy juggling between work and life. What made it worse was after work, I frequently had to come home and live a life walking on broken glass. I literally have to be very careful with everything I say and everything I do. I knew I was being sloppy but I just couldn't help it so during the weekends, I would try and clean up my mess and perhaps get a little rest. People thinks I'm an extrovert but actually I enjoy staying alone by myself and just doing nothing. Yes, rest and do nothing is literally what I am good at. Perhaps just reading a book till I fall asleep, listen to some music and continue reading when I felt like it. That's how I can spend my day.
I used to try and run away so I went and spend the weekend at my friend's place very often. I always made excuses just so I can run away and breathe. I went over so often that I actually lost count. Thought I had so much work to do, I couldn't resist the temptation of just running away and be myself at least for 24 hours. Home was approximately 5 hours away. I didn't want to make my parents worry so I told them I was fine and posted photos of how I was having fun with my friends as a delusion of how much pain I was in.
All this happened in a short span of two and a half months. Well, one might ask, if I had been living such a difficult life, why didn't I just move out? Well, I actually can't answer that. It didn't cross my mind to leave because I trusted the family. I guessed all the stress of adapting got into me. I was faring poorly at work, I was lethargic, I was blank at work. Still, I tried to cope.
One day, I began hearing shouting and lots of banging going on in the house. I didn't dare interfere so I just kept quiet and acted as if nothing happened. It was probably one of the biggest mistakes I've made in life to choose to stay there because I have literally just burned the bridges between my family and their family. They suspected that I was setting up an indoor surveillance system in their house and that I was spying on them. I have to admit that I thought it was kind of silly when they thought I was part of an artificial intelligence team trying to spy on their family or something. First of, I do not know if they had such big secrets to hide in the first place but I have no ill thoughts of them. I didn't go there with any bad intentions. I was in a whole new town. When I came back to my country, I was hoping to get a job somewhere near my parents and feel the love of my parents but life was not that easy.
I was alone in a strange town, 5 hours away from home and no friends. The thought alone was scary enough but on top of that, I was starting my new job which means that I have to work double as hard to make myself worth.
The night that I found out, I immediately packed up my stuff, contacted a few friends (whom I am really thankful for) and literally moved out. I spent the rest of the year fighting depression that I knew was there but I wasn't willing to acknowledge. Being accused by someone who was so dear to me of an act such that I betrayed them. I never really told anyone how I felt about that and I just held it in, hoping that one day the skies will clear up.
The next 10 months was totally the slump of my life. I tried to hang out with my friends whenever I can and it really made me feel a lot better but I was being more introvert than ever. I isolated myself from my housemates, I behaved weirdly for which I do not know why did I even behave that way. I am thankful for the fact that my housemates bear with me throughout the 10 months for I knew I was a difficult person to handle at that time. I was difficult mainly because I didn't know how to express my feelings and I guessed I was just depressed.
I finally break out of my shell when I was posted to a different town appox 14 months after starting my new job. This time, I have learnt my lesson. I choose to rent alone although that meant that I was going to be lonely but at least I get to be myself and do things that I am most comfortable doing. I'm glad that I met friendly colleagues for whom I am very thankful for. If it wasn't for them, I would have still be in my slump right now. It didn't take long for my family to start noticing that I was happier where I am now. I was a totally different person. I am now able to express myself more freely.
I guess there would be a point in life where everyone questions their life and is life worth living. I have had that thought myself but yes, I chose to live. I have never had the idea of terminating my life because I knew it was not worth risking my life for someone who doesn't even appreciate my existence. Why should I give them the opportunity to remove me from this world. Nonetheless, they have successfully made me question my worth in this world; in short, I felt worthless. I woke up each day and sigh "Ahh, I've made it to another day."
How about now? Well, now, every morning I tell myself cheerfully "Hey gorgeous, we made it through to another day, why not make it worth?" Do I really say that to myself, YES I DO. Why? Haha. Simply because it makes me feel a lot better and I feel like I am at the top of the world.
Well, since this is my first post, I shall leave it here and continue talking about what I did to change how I felt about myself in the next post. Before I sign off, let me just tell everyone to live life happily and to appreciate yourself as much as you appreciate everyone you love.
Cheers and make this world a better place.
Min
PS: Lets end this post with a wonderful song by Amber titled Beautiful.I absolutely love her songs and she is so inspiring.
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